Do you [insert name here] solemnly swear to take Dick Cheney and George Bush for another 4 years -- to love, honor, and protect them. For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, for as long as they both shall live?
I'm sure the official pledge is a bit different, but surely the overall gist is the same. So if you're a registered Democrat, curious to hear your President or Vice President speak -- unless you sign the Bush/Cheney "loyalty oath" -- you’ll be refused tickets.
[AP/Star Tribune] Some Democrats who signed up to hear Vice President Dick Cheney speak here Saturday were refused tickets unless they signed a pledge to endorse President Bush.
The measure was a security step designed to avoid a disruption, which Bush campaign spokesman Dan Foley alleged Democrats were planning. Democratic Party officials denied it.
Yesterday it was dildos in Alabama and today it's candy-bars in Washington. Oh it’s good to be an American where at least...I know...I’m...free?
The 45-year-old scientist was munching on a PayDay, when subway police arrested her for violating the city's "no eating en route" law. Still enjoying her "packed with peanuts" snack, in an act of sweet and salty sedition -- she continued to munch the PayDay as she traversed the escalator.
"If she had stopped eating, it would have been the end of it and if she had just stopped for the issuance of a citation, she never would have been locked up," Transit Police Chief Polly Hanson said Thursday.
DNC Balloon Director freaks out on CNN Live to soft rock 80's hit tune, "Higher" by Van Halen...
The some 100,000 balloons were choreographed by expert balloon engineers to drop in a crowd pleasing display of red, white and blue patriotism. But sadly -- balloon ballet was never to be fully realized.
In a pre DNC balloon exposé, a journalist asked a convention Official, “But what if the balloons don't fall right”?
"I have a house in England. Bye!" she said.
Go balloons... Balloons... What's happening balloons? There's not enough of them coming down. All balloons! Where the hell, there's nothing falling! What the fuck are you guys doing up there?!? [Wonkette]
White House interns have confessed -- they're concerned with the President’s downward spiral of depression and paranoia. My advice Mr. President -- black clothes, eyeliner, The Cure, The Smiths, dye your hair -- black, black, black like your heart.
It's official – sexually frustrated red state Alabamians will have to resort to sex with their husbands due to new anti sex toy legislation. The state, now a dildo-free zone, will police the sale of any and all "sexually stimulating" contraband.
When Bush rolled out components of his New Freedom Initiative last month, a plan that moves to screen the entire U.S. population for mental illness, the overall consensus was -- you first! Well, apparently Bush has taken us up on the offer. Prognosis -- doesn’t look good.
[CHB] President George W. Bush is taking powerful anti-depressant drugs to control his erratic behavior, depression and paranoia, Capitol Hill Blue has learned.
The prescription drugs, administered by Col. Richard J. Tubb, the White House physician, can impair the President’s mental faculties and decrease both his physical capabilities and his ability to respond to a crisis, administration aides admit privately.
“It’s a double-edged sword,” says one aide. “We can’t have him flying off the handle at the slightest provocation but we also need a President who is alert mentally.”
Tubb prescribed the anti-depressants after a clearly-upset Bush stormed off stage on July 8, refusing to answer reporters' questions about his relationship with indicted Enron executive Kenneth J. Lay.
“Keep those motherfuckers away from me,” he screamed at an aide backstage. “If you can’t, I’ll find someone who can.”
Ann Coulter was hired by USA Today to cover the DNC, she was fired after handing in the first article. Typically, I would never advocate reading Coulter [for the shear loss of brain cells], but this is just too insane – too funny to pass up. USA Today didn’t know what to make of it, hence the remarks, which move between confusion and frustration.
Here at the Spawn of Satan convention in Boston, conservatives are deploying a series of covert signals to identify one another, much like gay men do. My allies are the ones wearing crosses or American flags. The people sporting shirts emblazoned with the "F-word" are my opponents. Also, as always, the pretty girls and cops are on my side, most of them barely able to conceal their eye-rolling.
USA Today: EYE-ROLLING? AT WHAT?
Democrats are constantly suing and slandering police as violent, fascist racists -- with the exception of Boston's police, who'll be lauded as national heroes right up until the Democrats pack up and leave town on Friday, whereupon they'll revert to their natural state of being fascist, racist pigs.
USA Today: WHAT DEMOCRATS SUE THE POLICE? BUT THEY WON'T ACTUALLY REVERT TO BEING FASCIST PIGS, DON'T YOU MEAN THE DEMS WILL THINK THEY HAVE REVERTED TO BEING FASCIST PIGS?
A speaker at the Democratic National Convention this year, Al Sharpton, accused white police officers of raping and defacing Tawana Brawley in 1987, lunatic charges that eventually led to a defamation lawsuit against Sharpton and even more eventually, to Sharpton paying a jury award to the defamed plaintiff Steve Pagones. So it’s a real mystery why cops wouldn’t like Democrats.
USA Today: IS THAT LAST SENTENCE SARCASTIC? IF SO, YOU SURE LOST ME.
As for the pretty girls, I can only guess that it’s because liberal boys never try to make a move on you without the UN Security Council's approval. Plus, it’s no fun riding around in those dinky little hybrid cars. My pretty-girl allies stick out like a sore thumb amongst the corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute, somewhat fragrant hippie chick pie wagons they call "women" at the Democratic National Convention.
Just in from the Associated Press, a Dulles International Airport surveillance video of 9/11 terrorists has been released to the press. The video shows 4 of the 5 American Airlines Flight 77 hijackers getting stopped by security and subsequently being allowed to pass without following the standard security procedures -- surprising with the 3 FAA warnings that had been issued.